Accounts of Pains Untold

22 Apr

October 14, 2012

She tells you it hurts. She tells you it’s painful. She tells you it’s unfair. She cries on your shoulder pleading for you to help her take the pain away. She can’t bear it and it’s killing her. She’ll tell you what he did and how he didn’t appreciate her, that he was a jerk and that she didn’t deserve to be treated the way he did.

She’s right.

She didn’t deserve what he did to her. She’s worth more than whatever lack of value he gave her. She didn’t receive the appreciation that is due her. And it’s all unfair. It’s all unfair from every possible perspective… except his and every other jerk who took advantage of her good nature.

Here’s a girl who is beautiful in every aspect of the word. She’s very attractive, smart, cultured, fashionable, elegant, and as hot as she is, she’s very down to earth. Yes, she may be conceited at times but you really can’t take it seriously. Not when she shows it in a gleeful manner that makes it sound more like a joke and a subtle way of seeking approval than arrogance or vanity. Sure, there are times when you could sense a bit of vanity in her, but who isn’t vain anyway? She’s never a narcissist. I just can’t see her that way. I see it more of her way with coping with her insecurities. She has a lot of them.

She may not have the prettiest smile on the planet but it’s cute nonetheless. It’s enough to make me feel giggly inside, as old as I already am. I’m not sure how well I’ve been hiding it but to be honest, that smile can make me melt. My heart has been frozen and hardened through countless times of pain and hurt. Yet, it softens whenever I see those little white ivories under her puffy lips especially if it’s because of something I did or said. Because whenever I make them come out, it makes me feel like I’m doing something right, like I’m doing the world a huge favor.

I’ve only known her for a few months. Yes, I admit that during these few months, I looked at her with biased eyes searching only for what was good in her. I may have noticed a few flaws but these flaws are nothing compared to her incredible merits. It’s easier for any person to love her and fall in love with her than hurt her. That is why I am baffled with the fact that there are jerks who would choose to cause her pain instead.

For the past few months, I have heard accounts of her tragedies. I’ve listened to her stories. I’ve empathized with her as she tells me about how these pricks, dicks and douche bags played with her trust, her emotions and her self-esteem.  She told me about how offended she got with a guy who spread false rumors about her. I’ve seen how a guy, who’s in a relationship with another woman, played her and made her fall for him… on her birthday! And I’ve seen her on her lowest point just after a guy she adores so much took from her everything she was willing to give just to dump her like a piece of trash.

I just don’t understand how these jerks could take advantage of someone as beautiful, as innocent and as pure as her. It’s as if they didn’t even take the time to look at her, see her for who she is and realize that they are privileged to have been wanted, if not loved, by someone like her. As cliché as it sounds, they make me want to say, ‘Sana ako na lang’.

If I were in their shoes, I’d do anything for her. I’d make sure that she’d never lose her smile; she’d never cry or get hurt. I would make her feel appreciated the way she deserves to be. I will give her everything I can and then some. I will treat her like the princess that she is.

But it can never be me. I can never be the guy to show and give her what will make her happy. I can never be the guy to lift her veil and kiss her on her Wedding Day or any other day. I’m just a friend to her and that will always be the case. I’ll always be the friend who will listen to her when she’s down and broken and in tears. I’ll always be just the guy who will help her get up, forget the pain and remind her how fun it is to smile and laugh and to be around good friends. I’ll always be just the guy standing in the background wishing for her to be happy while accepting the fact that it can never come from me.

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Posted by on April 22, 2012 in Uncategorized


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