Saturday, April 07, 2012
After reading a book and a half of the trilogy, I feel somewhat depressed. I can associate myself with Peeta so much that an unbearable weight has started to press down on my chest. I can’t articulate it that well but I feel guilty.
I’ve always known how much she hates the idea of a friend, especially the close ones, falling for her. She has made that clear to me more times than necessary. Yet, I chose to let my emotions get the better of me. I let go of all senses and allow myself to fall for her. But I never would tell her explicitly… even if I wanted to.
The trilogy allows me to see her side of the situation. How guilty she must feel whenever I throw in subtle hints of my attraction and affection. I never realized how selfish I am at doing something like this. Yes, I could easily make it look like I’m doing it as her friend who only wants the best for her. But apparently, my feelings are too obvious that she must feel like hell.
I don’t even know what I’m supposed to do now. I just have to keep reading and try to understand what she’s really trying to say.
The scary part of this whole thing is the idea that I might be over analyzing things.